LOST OF HOPE.

I guess reading my blog has become more and more boring.
Reading how my life comes along, goes along becomes something predictable.
Even myself, find life, be it anything in my life equals boring.

It's all about Roy, work, club, play hard, work hard with colleagues and girlfriends.
Nothing new, everything has become a routine.

Alot of things, has turn me into someone that I used to be maybe 7 years ago...
Pessimistic, emotic, nothing good.
I hate life now, I seriously admit I hate who I am now.
I hate everything, anything.
Why is this so, because I find it meaningless to do everything now.

Nafa rejected my appeal.
Other alternatives, needs certain expectation and requirements that I cannot meet.
Roy, I dont even dare to say anything in front of him.
I thought we could go hand in hand with my worries.
But I think I cannot now.

I dont know where should I head to now.
Aimless, completely aimless.
My dreams, my career, my studies...
I crash it with my own hands.

One chance I'm given, I never treasure it.
I regretted, but too late.
I find it so meaningless to even work.
I work, save up money and no school wants me.
I love, my friends, family, Roy but who will be there when I need them most?
What's life now? What's life? What's life?

Is there still a dim of light in life that I can look forward to?
I ask, God Jesus what/ who am I?
I hate Jill. I hate my life.
I hate every little small things now because it's all meaningless now.
Fashion Designer, Singer, Artist used to be something realistic.
Now, everything has become nothing.

God Jesus, why do you still let me breathe?