BACK HERE.

I start anew here, I start writing again.
Because when I have thoughts, the best I can do is to keep writing.
When tears falls down, I can only try to let go the weakness in me through writing.

I cried inside my heart, when I was holding your hand lying beside you.
I cried, tears just fall unknowningly because I know I am going to be left alone again.
I love Roy, I never deny.
I never said a single word when I know you are leaving to UK.
Because I know I cannot be selfish to have you by my side and not letting you to go.
To go to fulfill your dreams, your ego.

Maybe this is life, I can never stay in my comfort zone.
Trying to rely on people, but end of the day I still have to learn to be independent.
Four years, I ask myself should I wait or should I not.
And I know I should not.
Not because I cannot wait, but because when he comes back.
He will not even remember who am I, I am living in a world seeing small small things.
While he is back after getting a degree in law, he will be looking into big big things.
His exposure will definately be much more than me.

And of course he will have a choice of his lifetime partner.
He will be very clear of what he wants to acheive in life and of course to find a partner...
that could work with him towards it.
I know I am not the one... even if I don't know how to let go.

I have to choose to let go.
It's like a dream, one year and eight days.
I miss Roy, I will miss miss Roy.
I will keep Roy in the deepest part of my heart.
Covered it with my memories that was shared between us.
And try my best to move on with life... myself.

I always thought I could turn this dream into reality.
But guess I was just too naive, the rich will never get together with the poor.

My first love, yet never gonna be the last.
God just love to fool us.